The art of confessing love in Japan is known as Kokuhaku [告白], and in the case of asking someone out or to date after confessing, Tsukiatte kudasai [付き合ってください] is used.
Previously, we talked about the different ways to say I love you in Japanese. In this article, we will discuss these two essential words that span from expressing feelings to dating in the Japanese language.
The Japanese have a little difficulty when it comes to declaring themselves. Most of the time the biggest enemy is “shyness”. In Japan it's not uncommon for girls to confess their love to boys, so this article is for everyone.
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Kokuhaku [告白] - Confessing your love in Japanese
Confession [告白] literally means "confession", and is done when a man or woman declare your love to another, and hopes to start dating that person right after. The word can also mean recognition and even confessional.
The word Kokuhaku is composed of the ideogram [告] which means to reveal, to tell, to inform, and to announce, along with the ideogram for the color white [白] which also conveys the idea of speaking and innocence. The meaning of the word is not always romantic.
In the West, it is common for people to start dating without any declaration of love. On the other hand, the Japanese believe it is necessary to express their true feelings before starting a relacionamento. This does not mean that it is necessary to confess in order to get a date.
You can befriend the person, hang out with them for a while, and finally work up the courage to come out. When that happens, and if you're reciprocated, you're officially dating.
Most of the Japanese relationships are with friends who had a lot of coexistence. It's really hard to declare yourself to a person you don't know well, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.
Phrases to confess your love in Japanese
The most basic way to confess is to say:
- 好きです。付き合ってください。
- すきです。つきあってください。
- Sukidesu. Tsukiattekudasai;
- I love you, can we start dating?
This expression is quite informal, of course you won't just say that. You can say something more complete like anata no koto ga dai suki desu [あなたのことが大好きです]. This expression has the addition of pronouns and the expression koto [事].
The koto in the sentence enhances the statement by saying something like: "I love everything about you." This expression makes it clear that you love the person deeply in a romantic way, showing a genuine love that focuses on their qualities and inner self.
Some adults already declare themselves saying:
- 結婚を前提にお付き合いさせてください
- Please let me date you with the intention of marriage.
This means: "I would like to have a relationship with you, with the goal of eventual marriage." Many consider dating someone without planning a wedding a waste of time. Don't even think of saying this to strangers!
Levar um fora em japonês é 振られる (furareru). furareru [振られる] where literally she pierced his… Sometimes a person may take a while to respond to his feelings, he may think about the case. get ready for the furareru.
Tsukiatte kudasai [付き合ってください] - Dating Request in Japanese
The expression tsukiatte kudasai [付き合ってください] is a request for dating. Notice that along with the expression kudasai refers to a request, a please, do you want to go out with me? Or do you want to date me?
The verb tsukiau [付き合う] not only means to date, but it also conveys the idea of socializing, associating, keeping company, being steady with, continuing with, accompanying, committing to, and similar concepts. It is a quite comprehensive word.
It is important to be careful with the verb "tsukiau". While the broad definition is "to socialize", the meaning changes a lot depending on the context. The main meaning is "to accompany someone somewhere", with no romantic involvement.
Saying tsukiatte kudasai without expressing your feelings might end up sounding like going on a date or hanging out somewhere together without romantic involvement or like a test.
The verb tsukiau is also used to indicate that 2 people are dating or going out. See some example sentences:
- あの二人,付き合ってるでしょう.
- futari ano, tsukiatteru deshou
- Those two? I think they are a couple.
- つきあっている人がいますか？
- Is there someone you are dating?
- Are you dating someone?
The verb tsukiau can also be used for things other than relationship. Like, you can use the verb to express that you're saving, ing and things like that.
Deeto [デート] - Going on a date in Japanese
Another way to talk about dating in Japanese would be through the word deeto [デート] which derives from the English word "date". This word can refer to both a meeting and a relationship, similar to the word tsukiatte.
You might wonder if there's a difference between "deeto" and "tsukiau". Well, deeto would be used for some casual dates with someone, while "tsukiau" implies a deeper relationship with that person.
The word was first introduced into the Japanese language in the late 19th century and became popular among middle-class young women during the 20th century. It was used to express the day and time when a man and a woman decide to meet.
The introduction of American dating culture was a culture shock as previously, Japanese people didn't date casually but always with the marriage mentality. See some interesting phrases below:
- デートする
- deeto suru
- go out on a date
- デートに行ってくれますか？
- Can you tell me the date?
- Do you want to go on a date?
- 付き合うまで何回デートする？
- How many dates until we start dating?
- How many dates before a relationship?
Japanese declaring their love
It takes a lot of courage to confess your love, and Japanese people are not good at it either. According to a survey conducted on "Kokuhaku" by Unilever in 2011, out of 300 people interviewed, 79% of them cannot confess their love because they don't know what the person thinks of them, or because they lack self-confidence. I think most people are afraid of being furareru.
Most agreed that they would confess their love if they were absolutely sure it would be accepted. Of those who declared their love, only 21% regretted it. While 52% regretted not having confessed their love.
Another problem among the Japanese is that most of them declare themselves in an unexpected way, even scaring the women. There are many reports of girls receiving a confession from people they have never talked to or even never seen in their lives.
Be careful not to make any mistakes when declaring yourself. There are some rules you can keep in mind before confessing your love:
- Never confess through text.
- Never reveal too many things you know about the other person. It might scare her.
- Avoid making a public confession.
- If you are a stranger and don't know the person. Not flowers.
Below we have some videos of some Japanese people who made their Kokuhaku in public:
I’m not sure if it was clear, but it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, if you like someone, make the Kokuhaku. Thank you for reading our article, I hope you liked it, and I already thank everyone for the comments and shares.
